somewhere between silence & screaming

It’s very unpleasant to have someone go up against your integrity or to twist your words and meanings beyond recognition.   It’s even more unpleasant to have that happen incredibly publicly.  It makes you angry, hurt, betrayed, and finally pensive.  I realized a couple of things about myself that I hadn’t before, and I think one of those things is a message worth sharing.

I’ve been wrestling with a few things in my desire to follow Christ and to align myself with God’s character.  While I’ve met a lot of wonderful people and have been given some amazing opportunities since moving to Clermont, I’ve felt strong pull in my soul that’s telling me that as much I love getting to be a part of sharing my story with  others and the discipleship that comes along with that, I need a strong spiritually mature woman in my life to help me when situations like the above happen and leave me hurt and confused about why.

That kind of leads me into what I realized at about 1 o’clock this morning.  It’s so important to be incredibly careful of who you turn to for guidance and encouragement in your faith.  I’ve been thinking throughout the day what I need to look for in a person before I place too much weight into what they say, and what I hope others look at in me.  These are things I want to see in my life & therefore need to see at least a hint of in the lives of those I learn from and turn to in spiritually difficult times.

1.  Someone who personally seeks Christ daily, & does so openly and joyfully

2.  Someone who moves their faith to action & understands the “go” in “Go make disciples of all nations”

3.  Someone who embraces being uncomfortable - who picks up their cross and doesn’t look back, yet recognizes their humanity and desperate need for Jesus.

4.  Someone “radically” generous.  If they have things, they use them for God’s glory, whether that be while they still possess those things or by selling them and using the money for something greater than themselves and their stuff

5.  Someone with a solid marriage. 

6.  Someone bold enough to tell me when I’m wrong & humble enough to admit when they are

7.  Someone bearing fruit. This is honestly the first thing I look at when trying to exercise discernment.

8.  Someone reliant on the Bible as their go-to source for truth, not themselves, not their friends and family, not their pastor. And for personal reasons, I do not include the Message in this.  I generally don’t state my views on that translation because I take so much heat over it, but to me, the language of the message makes it easy to distort truth for your own purposes.  I don’t and won’t read it.

9.  Someone who flees from pride and clings to humility.  This is incredibly important to me. 

Now, obviously, these are ridiculous requests of just one woman.  And incredibly difficult.  And the woman who fits them all will be undeniably rare.  And they aren’t set in stone.  A couple of them are, but not the list as a whole.  Ultimately, I think I need someone who wants to be these things as much as I want to be these things so that we can strive for them and encourage each other, etc, etc. 

Idk if this is making sense.  I want to be a part of what’s described in Titus 2.  It’s one of the reasons I’m serving with 10th grade girls right now.  Because while I am not an “older” woman, I am “older” than some and there’s a responsibility that comes with that I think.

Anyways, back to Titus 2, it says: 

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I think that’s all I really wanted to say for now.