somewhere between silence & screaming

Missed a day again.  No good reason… Just had a relaxing day with my husband & didn’t feel like blogging hah.  Anyways, covering two topics again.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

So many people.  Seriously.  I’d name names, but 1) I’m afraid I’d leave someone off, and 2) this would be a ridiculously long blog post if I did that.

I’ve been so incredibly blessed by the people in my life.  Even friendships that were short-lived have meant so much to me & have helped shaped who I am.  And for the friendships that have lasted for years and years and years, those people are invaluable and irreplaceable.  They strengthen my faith, comfort my spirit, and have provided me with some of the most wonderful memories.  On top of that, I have an incredibly loving & supportive family who have encouraged me.  And of course, I have a husband who enriches my life every second I’m with him, and even the seconds that I’m not.  I was blessed enough to meet the love of my life at 14.  He is my second chance and daily evidence of God’s incredible love and mercy.  I have no complaints when it comes to people who have made my life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

I’m also fortunate that these people were few and far between.  I was never really “bullied.”  One girl told the class I was boring in middle school.  And another middle school girl convinced my “friends” I was too competitive and that they shouldn’t really pursue a friendship with me anymore.  And another one said I wasn’t hot enough for some guy in high school.  And another one wrote mean things about me in the Floriculture books and on the Chemistry classroom wall.  Two of the four were completely resolved and were said over anger or jealousy.  The other two were from people that I haven’t really thought about since graduation.  The only people I can think back on & say, “Yep.  They treated me like crap,” are two guys I dated in high school.  One took things a little far after the breakup, hacked my blog at that time, and posted unflattering things about me.  Then he took a secret I had told him and made it public and hurtful.  Then he hurt (emotionally) one of my best friends repeatedly, which wasn’t treating me like crap, but it still made me angry.   He wasn’t high on my list (and still isn’t), but the impact of his actions were short-lived in my life.  The other guy treated me like crap while we were dating, and while he was in no way justified & really was terrible to me, I have to accept the responsibility that I let him treat me that way due to the combination of - at that time - low self esteem, a misunderstanding of my self-worth, and a insatiable desire to “fix” people.  All three of those things are cause enough for disaster by themselves.  When combined, they’re explosive.  While I can’t deny that the situation did have a lasting impact, I can say with confidence that God took it and made it good.  For one thing, I have a stronger message for girls about their value and the respect they deserve.  And God’s using that message.  Therefore, I have peace.