somewhere between silence & screaming

I think God has been working on my persistence, patience and trust in the last few months.

After experiencing an incredible surge in spiritual growth in 2009, 2010 & the first half of 2011, the second half of 2011 seemed to be a game of phone tag with God. I kept hearing “just wait” without really know what exactly I was waiting on or for or how long the waiting would happen. I kept holding tight to God, but it felt like we weren’t really going anywhere. Like I was next in line for something big that I was just a little too short to see, and tugging on my Father’s hand saying, “is it my turn yet?” with him smling back at me and my eagerness, excitement and anticipation (and sometimes frustration) while saying, “just wait. It will be worth it.”

In the last few weeks, He has poured out on my spirit. I still don’t really know what I’m being prepared for, but I do feel Him equipping me for whatever it is on a daily basis. I can’t lie… I’m really excited! I feel like I can’t get enough of Him or His Word or time with Him. I find myself wishing I could spend entire days just hanging out with Him, resting in His Spirit, listening to His Word, learning, growing, absorbing more and more of Him, preparing my heart to love everything He loves and to do whatever He asks.

It’s in all of this that I understand some of the waiting. In my waiting, I’ve learned discipline. I’ve learned not to rely on my emotions. I’ve started referring to prayer as conversations or “God and I have been talking this over and hashing this out.” I’ve surrendered ares I didn’t realize I was trying to control. And now my heart is open and ready to be equipped for the next thing. I don’t know what it is, but I feel Him telling me, “this will not be quiet and still like the past few months. You will be stretched, and I will be enough.”

So yeah. Just thought I’d share.