somewhere between silence & screaming

January

Excerpt from a January 2010 blog: On being 20-something  Sometimes, I don’t want to be “realistic.”  Sometimes “reality” limits you.  What’s so incredibly inspiring and gorgeous about my dear friends is how much they realize that the only “reality” they need is the knowledge that through God, absolutely anything is possible.  I hope we never hit 35 and laugh at how once-upon-a-time we were silly idealists with big dreams and little pocketbooks.  I hope we don’t sell out or give up or let a world of cynics bring us down.  Because, really, there’s a whole lot of world that could use some changing, and here, in this moment, as a 20-something, I want to be a p

•  Got my carry permit with the crazy Uzi lady
•  Got my license with the crazy Florida teen drivers
• Started setting up the house
• Josh’s parents visited us in Florida

February

Excerpt from a February blog:  On Valentine’s Day  I feel like that’s supposed to make you the “cool, laid back, constantly in love” couple.  But to me, proclaiming that your perfect relationship doesn’t need a special day because everyday is like that or whatever is worse than gooey Valentine’s Day couples.  Every relationship goes through ups and downs.  To pretend it doesn’t helps give false hope to others in relationships.  It breeds the question “What’s wrong with us?” or “If my relationship isn’t that perfect all the time, it’s clearly not right.”  & it’s not that anything is wrong with a relationship where you disagree sometimes or where you get busy sometimes and forget to do the little things. I think disagreements bring you closer.  I think if someone does the little things all the time, you start to take them for granted.  I think if you’re under the impression your relationship is perfect, then you aren’t doing anything to improve it, which makes it not perfect at all in my eyes.

• Started my job
• Josh’s Birthday
• Austin, Brittany, & Caleb visited us in Clermont
• Started going to a small group for married couples

March

Excerpt from a March blog:  On “I love you”  Later, it was nearing time for me to head back to my apartment.  I was cuddled up in my ‘nook’ on his shoulder, and as much as I needed to leave, I wished I didn’t have to.  It was just one of those moments.  So I said “you’re my favorite” as usual.   And he said, “I love you too.”   Yeah.  He gets me.

• Headed back to TN for Garrett & Sarah’s weddi
• My family visited us in Florida
• Finally bought bedroom furniture after 3 full months of living out of boxes
• I think this is the month Josh started the Citizen’s Police Academy?

April

Excerpt from an April blog:  On loving God Right now, the number one desire of my heart is to know truth as God sees it and to live my life in a way that honors that truth.  As I discover more and more of who God is, I find myself thinking “God, I don’t know how I could possibly love you more.  You are the desire of my heart.  If I have you, I have everything,”  but then he reveals more truth to me and I find myself absolutely consumed with my longing for him, and I realize that much like my marriage, my conversation with God where I decided my life was for Him was a turning point that everything else in my life built up to, and that He is an infinite source of love that will never leave me at its limits.  It isn’t a moment, but a lifetime of learning and growing and seeking and finding.

• The addiction to Mott’s All Natural Apple Juice begins (and still exists… I’m actually drinking it right now as I write…)
• Sprained my ankle while garage-saleing
• Attempted & failed to make our yard look better
• I went to Washington DC for work & got to see a bit of the city

May 2010

Excerpts from a May blog:  On my reaction to spiders   Armed with a flip flop and rainboots, I climbed on top of the tub next to the shower and peered over the glass.  I spotted the little monster trying to climb up the wall.  My original plan B was to carefully aim the flip flop and drop it on top of the spider, smushing it, and leaving the dead body for husband to deal with when he gets home. Because, after all, that’s what husbands are for. :P   Instead, in shrieking panic, I grabbed the shower head and aimed it at the spider, knocking it off the wall and towards the drain.  And then it disappeared.  I left the water on it for a minute. But then I remembered a conversation my husband and I had just this past Sunday.  Where he told me some spiders can walk on water.

• Celebrated our second wedding anniversary
• Went on a Disney cruise
• Went to Universal

June

Excerpt from a June blog:  On Twilight  And Bella mopes for MONTHS after vampire man splits.  Then, she starts actively pursuing dangerous situations, including one with shady men.  And it’s romanticized and glorified and teens flock to it.  It’s so UNhealthy!  Teens are already going through a difficult & emotional time and are often prone to depression/anxiety/etc as it is.  Why in all of the world are we glorifying it & deeming it acceptable through pop culture?  It’s ridicul

• Went to Dallas for Matt & Katie’s wedding
• Went to Texas de Brazil with Matt & Katie in Orlando
• Began “theme nights” for cooking
• Josh finished the Citizen’s Police Academy

July

Excerpt from a July blog:  On driving through the night We left Clermont at 5:30 p.m., drove miserably through the night, stopping for energy drink after energy drink, and having a 2 am Walmart experience in Dalton, GA, until we arrived in Gallatin at 4 am central, 5 am eastern.  The drive started out in frustration over leaving late, evolved to goofing off & listening to comedians and good music, turned into delusional rambling after a couple of energy drinks in the early morning hours, went to whiny-ness for me and wide-eyed silence while playing annoying music for Josh as we got more and more exhausted, and ended in a mix of belligerence over extreme exhaustion and relief that we were getting closer and closer to a bed.   Needless to say, we vowed never to drive through the night again and have no plans to touch energy drinks for several months at least.

• Saw friends & family in Tennessee for the 4^th of July
• Went to Naples for work – my first time to South Florida
• Went to Tybee Island, GA with my family for a fun mini-vacation
• Finally understood that God was calling me to serve via high school ministry

August

Excerpt from an August blog:  On serving   It’s a long thought process.  I really don’t know if it made any sense here.  I feel all bottled up in side.  Like there’s so much I can and want and am supposed to do, but the stepping stones to get there are still being put in place.  I almost feel humbled by the slowness that it is taking me to find a place to serve.  I pray almost daily that God wont give me situations if I can’t use them to his glory.  I feel like He’s almost saying, “I’m going to have you be patient and search yourself before I let you enter a situation that could easily be turned into pride.  If you’re going to work with youth or prisoners or families or women or anyone in my name, you’re going to learn right now to check yourself at the door.  I’m going to have you wait it out and hunger for me and for opportunities to serve me so that when they come, you’ll know they are from me and not from your own gifts, abilities, or self-righteousness.  I’m going to make you sit still and soak me up and just learn for a few months, so that you’ll be ready for what I give you.  Because if you’ll stay out of my way and let me work in and through you, I can do great things for my name’s sake.  I’m going to make sure you understand that when you serve me, it is about ME and not about your bragging rights or your superiority or you meeting anyone’s standards but my own.  So you’re going to sit still and serve me humbly and quietly and without drawing any attention to yourself until I decide you’re ready for more.”

• Turned 22
• Had plenty of time to craft
• Joined a second small group
• Got a dining room set
• Went to Sandestin for work – pretty :)

September

Excerpt from a September blog:  On a new struggle  I’ve been wrestling with a few things in my desire to follow Christ and to align myself with God’s character.  While I’ve met a lot of wonderful people and have been given some amazing opportunities since moving to Clermont, I’ve felt strong pull in my soul that’s telling me that as much I love getting to be a part of sharing my story with  others and the discipleship that comes along with that, I need a strong spiritually mature woman in my life to help me when situations like the above happen and leave me hurt and confused about why.

• Started working with 10^th graders
• More crafts/home décor

October

Excerpt from an October blog:  On people   I’ve been so incredibly blessed by the people in my life.  Even friendships that were short-lived have meant so much to me & have helped shaped who I am.  And for the friendships that have lasted for years and years and years, those people are invaluable and irreplaceable.  They strengthen my faith, comfort my spirit, and have provided me with some of the most wonderful memories.  On top of that, I have an incredibly loving & supportive family who have encouraged me.  And of course, I have a husband who enriches my life every second I’m with him, and even the seconds that I’m not.  I was blessed enough to meet the love of my life at 14.  He is my second chance and daily evidence of God’s incredible love and mercy.  I have no complaints when it comes to people who have made my life worth living for.

• Attempted (and failed) 30 days of Truth
• Had a handful of trick-or-treaters
• Went back to TN for Kim & Tom’s wedding
• Daddy visited us in Florida

November

Excerpt from a November blog:  On free will, bad things, and good people   Forced obedience is not love.  That may not seem relevant, but to me its all about free will.  Yes, bad things happen, but I think those can usually be traced back to human sin.  Even natural disasters.  When we fell, so did the world that we were tasked to take care of (and fail miserably.)  When you think about bad things, trace them all the way back to a choice that someone made.  And consider what God intended life to be like when He created people.  He was in constant relationship with them in paradise.  Every need they had was met.  No one knew death or heartache or evil.  We the people brought that into the world with a wrong choice, and our sin/selfishness/pride/greed/etc spiraled out of control.  And now here we are in a mess, and we’re looking to blame it on God - the Creator we failed who desperately wants to redeem us and bring us back into relationship with him.

• 30 hours in the car over 4 days as we headed back to TN for Thanksgiving
• Got the Kinect
• Began one-on-one discipleing – easily just as life changing for me as for those I’m teaching.

December

Excerpt from December blog:  On discipleing It’s been a month, and my world has changed.  As I study the Word while preparing to teach others, my priorities have shifted.  The way I take in information is different.  My integrity and work ethic are better.  My marriage is better.  My heart is better.  I’ve struggled with depression for years, but I haven’t noticed it in weeks.  Has life gone perfectly?  No.  I still get stressed over work sometimes.  Enterprise wants money that doesn’t belong to them.  Imperfections in life still happen.  From the outside looking in, nothing has changed.   But I have.  My thoughts and priorities have.  And I love knowing that once you know, you can’t go back.  When you’ve had this much Jesus, the things of this world really and truly grow strangely dim. 

• Headed to Monterey, CA for the first time for work – LOVED it.
• Had the 10^th grade girls over for White Elephant J
• Back to TN for Christmas
• Completing our first full year in Florida