somewhere between silence & screaming

So let’s be real for a minute:

Part of what has always gotten me a little freaked out about going deeper with my faith is the confidence that the more you’re doing for Christ, the more spiritually attacked you can expect to be.

So yesterday, I connected with a couple of new people at church, worshipped & listened to the message for the second time over the weekend, spent about an hour and a half in the Word, spent about another half an hour in prayer pre-Catalyst, an additional 30 minutes post-Catalyst, got to do my first rogue act of random kindness and studied Matthew 6 with a high schooler.

I don’t say all this to say, “Look at me!”  I say it to show, I was feeling pretty close with God yesterday.  Most of my days aren’t spent walking with him like yesterday was.  I went to sleep at peace with Him, others & myself.  It was a good day.

Now, Matthew 6 is on worry, right?  And I have an ugly history with anxiety, yes?  (Don’t most women?)

So last night, before I went to sleep, I locked the garage door.  I actually thought to myself when I did it, “How terrible would it be if I forgot my keys tomorrow.”  And then, I brushed the thought aside & got ready for bed.

Josh is out of town, by the way.  That’s an important part to this.

This morning, I knew I needed to run to the post office before work.  I was frazzled and running late because it took me about 20 minutes to find a bill with both of our names on it.  I walked in the garage, and as I heard the door click behind me, I realized my keys were lying on the counter.

So now, keys are inside the house, I’m in the garage, husband is in a different state, and I’m even more behind on my day.  

I called Josh, and he Googled as  we tried to figure out how I could break into my house.  The good part about this?  I am now confident a burglar will seriously struggle to get into the Sewell residence.  The bad?  I’m going to owe a locksmith $70 today, and I’m going to be extremely late for work.

All this to say, sure, I’m absentminded when I’m frustrated.  But also, this stuff happens much more frequently now.  The last 6 months have challenged me on things I’ve never been challenged on.  Things I honestly never wanted to be challenged on.  I’m also closer to Jesus than ever.  Coincidence?  I think not.

That’s the major point of this post.  Sometimes, crappy stuff happens.  Typing this from the heat of my garage right now?  Kind of crappy.

But it won’t ruin my day.  I’m actually not stressed out.  Yes, I’m locked out while my husband is 700 miles away, and our extra key hiding spot is empty.  But I also have my phone, my laptop, internet, a stepstool to sit on, a fan behind me, a garage for shade, people to call for help, and above all - I have Jesus who has my back, who knows all, who saw this coming before I did, who protects me, who gives me joy, hope and peace. 

I’m not quite at the point where I’m ready to tell life to “Bring it.”  But I am confident that Christ will see me through anything.  From a minor annoyance (this) to a major disturbance (other things we’ve dealing with) to the absolute unknown (the most challenging one for me).  God’s got this.